


I don’t wanna come down from your love

by EvanescentMemory



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom
Genre: Exchange Student AU, High School AU, M/M, Maybe like a little angst, Short Story, Soulmate AU, but fluff to so it’s all good, i just wanted to write something about them, i’m sorry kfkfkdid, kpop, lots of au, nct - Freeform, this is only going to be a few chapters, yuwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:30:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanescentMemory/pseuds/EvanescentMemory
Summary: To Dong Si Cheng, finding a soulmate was a complete myth fabricated by the people who ended up with their own happily ever after.That is, until he ends up meeting his soulmate in high school, a Japanese exchange student named Nakamoto Yuta.Which really blows for Si Cheng because he’s too shy to say anything, and the more he comes to realize his connection with Yuta the less time he has.





	1. exposition

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little something because we all need a little yuwin in our lives :3
> 
> also the title inspired by dream in a dream (but you probably knew that if you’re here ;))

The second Dong Sicheng had laid his eyes on Nakamoto Yuta he knew it was fate that had led him right to him.

Everything felt right; as if it was meant to happen that way.

Class had just let out, and as Sicheng pushed open the doors to leave the school building he was blinded by the sunlight that greeted him. If he had known it would have been the day he was to find his soulmate, he might have prepared a bit more (thanks for the warning, universe).

School books in hand, he stepped down the brick staircase and onto the paved sidewalk. His best friend Kun was trailing behind him. 

“You’re always in such a hurry to leave class, aren’t you?” Kun jokingly teased him. Sicheng snapped his head around to look at him, rolling his eyes.

“And you aren’t?” Sicheng responded turning back around to start making his way down the street. “I’m finally free. So yes… I am in a hurry.”

Kun and him started to walk when Sicheng began to have a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. He became disoriented and couldn’t keep his focus on the pavement in front of him. He could feel Kun’s hand on his shoulder as his friend tried to shake him back into reality.

“Sicheng… Are you okay?” Kun questioned him, his face painted with a look of worry.

Sicheng shook his head to snap himself out of the state he was in, and stood up next to Kun. The wave of sickness that had washed over him was nothing like he had felt before. It wasn't a terrible sensation at all; in fact, it was more of a feeling of having butterflies.

But since when had he gotten butterflies anyways?

“I don't know what just happened. I think I’m just a little tired.” Sicheng replied to him, even if it was a bit of a lie. He hadn't felt tired at all and he'd gotten plenty of sleep the night before.

He turned his head to look at the flood of students that were coming from every exit of the school. He heard people hollering for their friends, laughter, and complaints about all of the physics homework people had to do. He scanned the crowds and took in everyone's face, absorbing every detail that others would carelessly miss.

That's when he saw one that stood out completely from all the others. It was as if time had stood still the moment his eyes stuck to him. His school uniform made it apparent that he was in a higher grade than Sicheng was, and he had an aura about him that was practically impossible to ignore. Sicheng would even call it pure beauty. 

The boy not only was at a standstill as Sicheng had been, but he also had been looking around-his eyes darting from one person onto the next. Sicheng hadn't realized he was staring until Kun shook his arm. 

“Come on Sicheng, we have to get going!” Kun announced, tugging his arm to follow him. Sicheng felt frozen, his gaze on the lost boy he had seen. The boy who had caught his attention. “You know how my mother is. If I get home later than usual it'll be a twenty-questions game, and I don't want to say it’s because Sicheng was losing touch with reality and slipping into another realm.” Sicheng just shot him a questionable look and submitted to the tugs on his sweater sleeve.

They started to move down the path, but Sicheng continued to keep his focus on the boy whose eyes were wandering hopelessly. He continued to keep his eyes fixed on him until he lost sight of him as a building down the street blocked the view.

Before he lost sight of him Sicheng could've swore, even if it was for a second, that the boy’s gaze settled onto his.


	2. rising action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this fic may turn out to be a bit longer than i intended :)))

Dong Si Cheng was never the type of person to believe in love. He’d never felt what it was like to be in love, although he’d always wondered what it _could_ be like.

Of course, there were those who confessed to liking him. But that was all they were: confessions. Si Cheng had never felt a connection with anyone that could be strong enough to consider it a lifelong bond. 

Not only that, but he was awkward in the worst way possible. He wasn’t too keen on speaking with other people at all. Si Cheng was the type to stay silent and listen while others spoke. It used to work wonders for him before.

But now his quietness had gotten the best of him.

Now all he thought of was that day after school when he’d seen that boy. He would notice him everywhere now, and it surprised him to know that he hadn’t acknowledged him sooner.

Si Cheng had never believed in love at first sight, but there was definitely something there. He just had not idea _what_. 

He couldn’t wipe the boy’s face from his memory. It was embedded into his mind, and took permanent housing there. He wanted to talk to him. To see what he looked like up close. To see his smile.

Si Cheng wanted to hit himself for it. Since when had he ever had a thought like that? He wasn’t one for being soft at all, but why was he now? Especially for someone he didn’t know at all and most likely didn’t know he existed.

He couldn’t fall for anyone. No matter what the universe told him.

Si Cheng was sitting at the lunch table in the school cafeteria when he saw the boy walk in through the large metal doors. In his mind Si Cheng had labeled him “the boy”, not knowing his real name.

Kun was waving his hand in front of Si Cheng to get his attention, seeing that his focus was obviously elsewhere.

“What are you staring at? Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?” Kun questioned his friend, his eyebrows furrowed and forehead wrinkled.

“It’s… nothing.” Si Cheng tried to cover up his nosiness with a trail of lies. “I was listening.”

Moon Taeil, his friend who had been sitting beside him, nudged his shoulder and shook his head. He was the oldest of the three of them and loved to show it off all the time.

“You’ve been staring at the lunch line for the past five minutes.” Taeil revealed, pointing towards the conglomerate of students that were standing by where the school food was served (if you could even call it food). 

“I am not staring,” Si Cheng lied once again. “I'm just looking around.”

He picked at his food, turning attention away from his friends. He wasn’t going to ever admit that he had been staring at one person within the crowd. The one who had been standing with someone else, smiling brightly. He stood out among everyone to Si Cheng, and he hated that he did.

He hated that he got a feeling from it that he had never truly had before.

  
***

 

Weeks had passed after having lunch and seeing the same boy over and over again in the lunch line. Of course, after that one day, his friends had not brought up his staring. Si Cheng had grown conscientious of it and tried not to look in that direction as much.

But it truly was almost impossible for him. As if some unspeakable force had been calling for his attention to look. When he did, he could feel that same feeling when he saw the boy again.

The one with the brightest smile he’d ever seen. It was radiant, enough to Si Cheng that he believed the sun would turn away from it.

“Can I ask you something?” Si Cheng quietly asked Taeil and Kun, who were of course sitting in front of him.

“What is it?” Kun asked him a bit concerned. It wasn’t like Si Cheng truly asked for much, so when he asked his friends a question there was always a need for an explanation.

 “Do you guys know... him?” Si Cheng said trying to point out the boy that he had his eyes on ever since he’d first seen him.

“Who? How can I possibly tell who you’re pointing at?” Taeil asked him with a less serious tone than normal. “Literally half of the school’s population is standing there.” 

Kun nodded in agreement, and Si Cheng wondered how they couldn’t see it. How they couldn’t see how he clashed with the looks of the crowd. How he stood out entirely from the others.

Si Cheng tried to describe him as best as he could, but there was only so much he could do to help his friends pick out the person he was talking about.

When the boy had finally got his lunch and started making his way to find a seat, Si Cheng pointed him out to his friends. 

“Him?” Kun asked astounded. “He’s new. Just got here a few weeks ago I think.”

“He’s a Japanese exchange student.” Taeil elaborated, to which Kun scoffed at. “His name is Yuta. I know because he's in one of my classes.”

Si Cheng took time to process that information. Kun focused his attention back onto Si Cheng. 

“Why do you want to know who a Japanese exchange student is? You questioning other people’s existence in the school? Who are you and what have you done to the Si Cheng I knew?” Kun bombarded him with questions.

“I just haven’t seen him here before. I was curious.” Si Cheng explained, his friends shooting him questionable looks.

Lunch was practically silent between them after that.

  
***

 

It’s not like Si Cheng could’ve prevented the strange feelings he’d developed. They’d come in waves, and were practically impossible to predict. All he knew is whenever he saw Yuta things became fuzzier in his mind. He tried to keep these feelings as watered down and out of his mind as possible. He distracted himself with reading and studying, and didn’t think about it too much. 

After all, it was probably nothing to begin with.

After an hour of math (more like an hour-long torture session for him) Si Cheng was walking down the hall with Kun on his way to lunch when he saw Taeil laughing and chatting with someone after walking out of his class.

“Taeil is talking to someone else?” Kun stated as more of a question. “And it’s not us?”

“He has other friends you know.” Si Cheng explained, which he didn’t think he actually had to.

“Yeah, but if it’s not us it’s usually someone he ends up having a crush on.” Kun said, letting out a small laugh afterward. “Remember the guy he liked because he was the only one who sat next to him on the bus?” Si Cheng nodded.

“He wouldn’t stop talking about ‘Johnny’ this and ‘Johnny’ that... and then all of a sudden it ‘wasn’t going to ever work out’.” Kun started to go into depth. “Oh and that one guy in the school’s dance club? Taeyong? He talked about him for a solid 6 months, and then nothing. What about that guy that’s in his chorus class right now, has he talked about him recently?”

Si Cheng just shrugged. He felt Taeil was always trying to find someone to like, as if he had to by society’s ridiculous standards in order to be accepted as a functional teenager.

“He said he’s just a friend.” Surprisingly the way Taeil described him was not in a type of way you’d describe a crush. He talked about him as simply the sweet guy he hung out with in chorus. 

“Yeah right… you believe that?” Kun asked him, like it really mattered.

“He’s just a friend, I’m pretty sure.” Si Cheng reassured him.

At least for now, he was.

They sat in their normal spot and waited for Taeil to sit with them, but he was still talking to whoever he had been before. Si Cheng saw him in the lunch line, and then realized that it had been Yuta he was engaged in conversation with. 

“Kun… he’s talking to Yuta.” Si Cheng revealed, Kun sitting in front of him turned around to look at him.

“The exchange student?” 

“That’s him.” Of course it was.

Once Taeil was finished buying lunch, he walked towards them with a tray in hand. Yuta was trailing right behind him.

Si Cheng could feel his pulse quicken at the sight of him getting closer and closer to where they were sitting. He would finally be meeting him, but it felt like he already had.

“Hey guys,” Taeil greeted them, placing his tray next to Kun. Yuta went around the table and took a seat in front of Taeil, which was right next to Si Cheng.

He looked even more beautiful up close than Si Cheng could’ve imagined.

His hair was auburn, and he had his ears pierced with small silver hoop earrings in each. He looked at Taeil and smiled, then looked at the others.

“This is Yuta. Yuta, this is Kun and Si Cheng.” Taeil introduced them. Yuta greeted the both of them, his smile even wider than before. “He’s in Physics with me.”

They all started chatting with one another, all of them except for Si Cheng himself. He was always a good listener.

Whenever Yuta spoke Si Cheng couldn’t help but listen. The feeling he had in his gut was still there and hadn’t left him at all. He just hadn’t paid any mind to it.

“I've got to go back to class early, but I’ll see you later.” Yuta finally said, starting to stand up and stood looking at the three of them. “It was nice meeting you guys.”

Yuta looked at Si Cheng and smiled, and Si Cheng could feel his heat traveling to his cheeks.

“You too.” Si Cheng practically whispered. But Yuta, surprisingly enough, heard him and nodded.

After he had left the table Kun turned to face Taeil, his face scrunched up in confusion. 

“What?” Taeil asked, his eyes wide with confusion as to why Kun was giving him a look. “Don’t get the wrong idea… we were talking about him before. I just happened to start talking to him in class and realized he’s a great person to talk to! He’s really nice.” Kun then turned his attention to Si Cheng, who had been staring into his sandwich so long that he’d probably unlocked all of its mysteries.

Not that a sandwich was all that interesting. His friends weren’t dumb, and they knew he was avoiding the conversation topic at hand.

“Si Cheng,” Kun called to him, waving his hand back and forth in front of his face. “Earth to Si Cheng.” He looked up towards his friend, knowing quite well where this was going. 

“Why are you are you questioning me when Si Cheng was the one that brought him up in the first place?” Taeil argued with Kun, waving a finger at Si Cheng. “I brought him over because I thought you’d want to meet him. But the whole time you just sat there and didn’t even say a word.”

Kun was still staring at Si Cheng, his eyes burning holes into his skull. Si Cheng was afraid that Kun was really trying to figure out why he had been acting quieter than usual, and that if he looked any further he’d find the answer.

“What was that anyway, Si Cheng? Even for you to act as if you’ve never had any social interaction in your life is weird.” Kun accused him. Si Cheng shrugged, finding it hard to keep his eyes from wandering away.

“Oh my gosh, I don’t believe it… you like him don't you?” Taeil pieced together, his expression dumbfounded.

Si Cheng didn’t want to ever think of liking someone, nor did he want to ever admit it. He did like Yuta, but acknowledging anything of the sort would’ve been an extreme example of false hope. He didn’t even know Yuta, and he preferred he didn’t get to know him for his own sake. 

But his friend bringing it to his attention was different than when he thought of it for himself. He felt cornered, as if the thoughts and the metaphorical pot of feelings he didn’t want to think of had started overflowing.

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t even know him.” Si Cheng defended himself, shaking his head at his friend’s assumption. Taeil leaned in closer to Si Cheng from across the table. 

“Why is it? It makes sense.” Taeil continued to argue. “You asked about him, then you kept staring at him, and when he finally is sitting so close to you you have the social skills of a rock.”

“Si Cheng has a crush, how cute.” Kun announced, reaching over to squish Si Cheng’s cheek, an action to which caused Si Cheng to slap his arm away.

“I do not.” Si Cheng said, thinking of an easy way to get out of the conversation. “What about chorus boy, Taeil?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Taeil’s face dropped, his eyes avoiding Si Cheng’s.

“Your crush of the month.” Si Cheng said smirking at Taeil, pleased with his quick thinking for revenge. “What was his name again Kun?” Kun was also smirking, eager to play along with him.

“Hmmm… I think it’s something-Young. I can’t quite remember.”

“It’s Doyoung.” Taeil said, covering his mouth after realizing he’d fallen right into their trap.

“Case in point.” Si Cheng stated, finalizing the group’s conversation. 

“He’s **just** a friend.” Taeil argued. Si Cheng gave him a serious look, firm where he stood on the situation.

And Yuta was **just** another student.  
  
  



	3. climax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally finished this!  
> a longer chapter for the wait :)

Days turned into weeks, which then turned into months, yet Si Cheng had still done nothing about the feelings he had. He kept them repressed as though they were a shaken up bottle of soda. Yuta started sitting with them at lunch now all the time, and to Si Cheng it almost became unbearable. He couldn’t even begin to describe to someone exactly **how** he felt, he just knew deep down that Yuta was in control of what he felt. He was the central cause of it, and because of it he controlled his mind too.

He didn’t even know it either.

To make matters even worse, Yuta has joined the dance group that Si Cheng was a part of after school. He had to see him all the time, even if he didn’t want to have to deal with the feelings that came along with it.

“He’s really good.” His friend Taeyong said after a practice one day, motioning towards Yuta as he took a sip out of his water bottle.

“Yeah.” Si Cheng quickly agreed, thinking that if he kept his responses short maybe it would keep the conversation short too.

“He’s just trying to fit in you know. I usually see him alone half of the time.” Taeyong told Si Cheng, who was frankly quite surprised by it. How could someone like Yuta be alone? “It must be hard coming into a completely new high school in an entirely different country. Especially when you’re a senior.”

Si Cheng understood the feeling of being alien. Moving from China to an entirely different country was definitely life-changing, but he eventually got used to it. That was different; Si Cheng was younger, and not a high school student. High school was built to make it almost impossible to penetrate the walls of the friend groups that had been built and cemented around for years.

“I sit with him at lunch.” Si Cheng admitted, as he sat on the floor in the corner of the dance room with Taeyong, who was standing up leaning against the wall.

Taeyong looked down at Si Cheng, then looked up at Yuta who had been going over their dance routine across the room by himself.

“If anyone sat with him, I’d only hope for it to be you.” Taeyong said, leaving Si Cheng perplexed. He hadn’t had a clue as to what Taeyong exactly meant by it, but he still nodded and acted like he did.

He directed his attention to Yuta’s dancing for the rest of the time.

***

“Does Si Cheng not like me?” Yuta asked Taeil and Kun at lunch. Kun shot him a look that asked him if he was actually being serious. Si Cheng had gotten up to get a few napkins after spilling his milk all over the table, making it the perfect time to pop up the question.

“What makes you ask that?” Taeil asked him, tilting his head. Yuta placed his hands on the table and folded them together.

“I don’t know… it’s just that every time I speak it seems like he wants me to stop.” Yuta confessed, wiping his hair off of his brow. “Maybe it’s just me.”

“It’s just you.” Kun shot at Yuta, surprising him. Taeil hit his arm and told him to be nice, then gave a toothy smile to Yuta.

“Si Cheng doesn’t have anything against you.” Taeil acquitted, leaning in closer to quietly talk to Yuta. “In fact, I think it’s the opposite.” Yuta shook his head, letting out a small cackle at his words.

“Really?”

“Why don’t you try talking to him?” Kun suggested to Yuta as he tilted his head in Si Cheng’s direction. “He might seem quiet, but you’d be surprised at the things that he says sometimes.”

“Alright.” Yuta agreed with a nod. “I will.”

***

If things were already a mushy disaster for Si Cheng, then this was the cherry on top. Not only was Yuta dancing alongside Si Cheng, but now Yuta was making an effort to converse with him without Kun or Taeil around. At first he hadn’t had the faintest idea as to how to handle it, but afterward decided to just listen to him. He couldn’t make an effort to talk to him. He felt that if he did he wouldn’t be able to control whatever came out.

“You’re an amazing dancer Si Cheng.” Yuta complimented him, giving him a small pat on the shoulder. “The way you move is just… wonderful. I wish I could be like that.”

Si Cheng could feel his cheeks warming at the compliment. He calmed himself down enough to thank him for it, and just continued to listen.

“I mean it. You’ve got something special when you dance. It’s beautiful.” Yuta once again spoke with positive regard towards Si Cheng. Si Cheng could feel his knees becoming more and more like putty, his mind becoming fogged by the words that he’d been told.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” He admitted, not knowing where the heck he’d gotten the nerve to say it. When he became so ballsy, he had no idea. He just knew he wanted to take it all back and pretend it had never happened.

Yuta laughed, and Si Cheng fell in love with the sound. There couldn’t have possibly been anything as beautiful, could there?

His cheeks were probably a shade of red far too noticeable to pass as being from his dancing, but Yuta didn’t seem to notice it. To Si Cheng, even if it was just for a moment, he could’ve sworn he had seen Yuta’s cheeks accented with shades of pink and red.

“Thank you.” Yuta said, smiling more and more at Si Cheng. He didn’t know why Yuta was thanking him; if anything Si Cheng wanted to thank Yuta one hundred times over just for his existence. For distracting him from the misery of high school. For possibly giving Si Cheng one of the nicest compliments he’d ever received. He figured if he was receiving it he might as well give it back.

“Thank you, Yuta.”

***

That was it. He’d officially come to terms with his affliction, and as far as Dong Si Cheng knew, he was definitely enamored with Yuta. Everything beautiful stood out about him, and like a painting, the more Si Cheng stared at him the more he came to recognize the brushstrokes and the details. He knew it wasn’t likely for him to end up being **_with_** him, and he’d also accepted that. Yuta was older than him, and although he was only a grade above him being a junior was probably a huge point deduction on Si Cheng’s side.

When he did tell his friends that he liked Yuta, they obviously weren’t thrown off by the news. They had known that he had liked him but they also knew that it was Si Cheng, and if he didn’t want to admit it he definitely did not want to talk about it openly.

“Why don’t you just talk to him like a normal person and tell him how you feel?” Taeil asked Si Cheng where they were seated at one of the tables in the library during their free period. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?” Si Cheng rolled his eyes at the older student. He was giving advice he could barely follow himself.

“You try it out. Let me know how it goes.” Si Cheng exclaimed, a fake smile painted on his face. Taeil got flustered by his comment and looked down at his Chemistry homework, trying to drown himself in stoichiometry. For wanting to be a chemistry major he really did suck at fixing up his own relationships.

“I know you like Doyoung, hyung.” Si Cheng addressed his friend, Taeil looking up to focus on his words. “Maybe you should work on your own thing, and I’ll work on mine.”

“There is no ** _thing_**.” Taeil exaggerated, his nervousness quite apparent.

Si Cheng put the pencil he was holding firmly in his hand on the desk and sat back in his chair folding his arms.

“I’ve been honest with you, I’ve told you how I’ve been feeling about all of this.” Si Cheng reminded him with his eyes glued to the older boy. “Why don’t you tell me how you feel? I think it’s time you did it just once. I haven’t heard at all about you.”

“I’m fine. There’s nothing to actually talk about.” Taeil said avoiding possible eye contact with Si Cheng.

“You know I’m not one to admit anything like what I’ve told you that easily.” Si Cheng argued, tilting his head as he leaned in closer.

Taeil slowly lifted his head up to look at Si Cheng as he spoke to him.

“Tell me… do you like him?” Taeil shrugged and looked back down at his work, obviously not absorbing anything on the pages.

“I don’t know. When have I ever known?” Taeil admitted, playing with his pencil. “It could be nothing. It always turns out to be that way.”

“You never know. Maybe this time it’s the real thing.” Si Cheng said to try to bring up Taeil’s spirit. Taeil was right, it wasn’t the first time he had believed he’d found ‘the love of his life’. This time was different in that he didn’t want to try to think of it that way because he didn’t want to be hurt by the idea.

“Maybe.” Taeil replied to Si Cheng, and just with that single word Si Cheng realized that he wasn’t the only one stuck in the situation he was in.

***

“So here’s the plan,” Taeil said as he sat close to Kun and Si Cheng at their usual lunch table. “Yuta has been telling me he wants to join the dance show. They’re holding auditions for it and only a few students are selected from each grade level.” Kun looked at Taeil with concern as to what the plan actually was.

“How is this helping him?” Kun asked him, to which Taeil approached with his usual reaction to anything Kun said and slapped his arm.

“I’m not there yet, genius.” Taeil replied, turning attention to Si Cheng.

“Anyways, before I was rudely interrupted,” Taeil continued to explain his grade A plan.

“We all know Yuta is a really good dancer. This means Si Cheng could ask him for some tips and for help with the routine alone after school. That way you can be alone with him and get to know him better.”

“That’s great and all, but why would Si Cheng even ask him? He can dance perfectly without Yuta.” Kun argued with Taeil, who threw his arms up in aggravation.

“Obviously I know he can dance. This is so they can get to talk to each other without having to focus on anything else.” Taeil further explained. Si Cheng placed his chin in his hands as he rested his arms on the table.

“What makes you sure I’ll make it?” Si Cheng asked Taeil, feeling a lack of confidence take over.

“Si Cheng…” Taeil paused, glaring at him. “If anyone can get in, I’m betting it’s you.”

***

He was a bundle of nerves on the day of his audition and was a walking train wreck. Although his friends tried to convince them that he looked fine and that he’d do even better, Si Cheng was positive he would mess something up.

He blamed his state on his friends. If they hadn’t convinced him to do the show he wouldn’t have spent hours of his free time making choreography for something he most likely wouldn’t make it into. Just by looking at the line of people waiting to audition he could tell that for some of them, dance was what they breathed.

How was he going to manage to outdo them?

Then he saw him. The boy who made him feel everything at once. The boy whose smile shined bright enough to put the sun to shame. He was everything Si Cheng wanted, yet also everything that he couldn’t have.

Their eyes made contact, and Yuta looked at him as though it made him elated to see Si Cheng there. Yuta mouthed ‘good luck’ to him and gave him a smile that warmed his heart.

As the auditions were completed and the line grew shorter, Si Cheng grew more and more nervous. It wasn’t like him to act the way he was. His throat was dry and his hands clammy after time slowly passed by. Once he made his way to the room where he would be going through his routine, he froze and thought of the dance he’d spent hours preparing for flew from his mind.

But he thought of Yuta. He thought of the boy he’d felt a universal pull towards since the moment he’d noticed him. He thought about making it into the dance show, and how proud Yuta would be of him. He gave it everything he could for the three judges in the room, who at the end simply thanked him and jotted down notes on the paper in front of them. When he walked out of the room, he was surprised to see Yuta leaning against the wall waiting for him. He smiled at Si Cheng and slowly stepped towards him. Si Cheng could feel every muscle in his body tensing with Yuta being closer to him. He thought that Yuta definitely had to have felt the same in that moment.

“How did it go?” Yuta asked him softly, his head tilted just enough to make Si Cheng’s heartbeat go soft.

“I showed everything I had.” He responded, smiling back at Yuta. Yuta slid his hands in his pockets and grinned at Si Cheng, his bangs partially covering his eyes.

“I’m sure you did.”

***

Si Cheng pushed through the crowd of people in front of the bulletin board at school to see the list of the people chosen to be in the show. Once he got to the front, he scanned the sheet looking for his name.

And there it was in black and white, printed clearly and large enough for everyone to see. He smiled to himself, content with what he’d done to get himself there. He considered it to be a huge accomplishment, one that he would have never thought possible if he didn’t have people around him to support him.

Without even realizing it, he was still staring at the sheet scanning for another name. He looked at the seniors chosen and was relieved to see who it was on the list.

It was starting to look like Taeil’s plan wasn’t a bad one after all.

***

“You… what?” Yuta asked Si Cheng perplexed by what he had asked of him.

“I want you to help me with the routine. I can’t get the hang of it. Besides… you seem to know it very well.” Si Cheng told him. Yuta continued to look at him where they were sitting on the floor of the small dance practice room at school. Practice had ended a few minutes before, and Yuta and Si Cheng were they only two dancers left.

“Why would you ask for my help?”

“Because you’re the best dancer out of the group. I wouldn’t ask anyone else.” Si Cheng admitted to him, his light hair matted to his forehead from sweating.

“Really?” Yuta asked for reassurance. Si Cheng nodded and continued to look towards Yuta.

“I would only ask help from you, I swear. Besides you’re the only person here I feel comfortable asking.”

“No.” Yuta interrupted, his concern fixed on Si Cheng’s request. “Do you actually think I’m the best dancer in the group?” Si Cheng let out a low chuckle and shook this head.

“Of course.”

“Alright. I’ll help you Si Cheng.”

After their conversation, they began to spend a lot more time together. They’d stay after practice in the dance room alone to practice for a prolonged time, enough for Si Cheng’s legs to ache the next morning. They spent a week and a half like this and would walk with each other home after practice. If Si Cheng could he would spend hours just talking to Yuta, but he knew he had to count his blessings. For some strange reason, Si Cheng could feel time running out as if it were sand in an hourglass, and he wished he could flip it and turn back the time.

After they practiced one night it was much quieter than it usually was. Si Cheng couldn’t feel a thick tension in the air, and knew whatever was ahead of him was nothing to be happy about.

“Si Cheng. Can I ask you something?” Yuta asked straightforward to Si Cheng on their walk home. Si Cheng simply nodded and continued to avoid eye contact with Yuta. Yuta stopped in his tracks, which caused Si Cheng to have no choice but to stop and turn towards him to see what the problem was.

“Why did you ask for my help?” Yuta continued, his arms by his sides as he struggled to keep composure. Si Cheng shook his head and gave him a confused look, with a head tilt to compliment it.

“Because I needed your help with the dance.”

“No.” Yuta rejected, his eyes focused on Si Cheng as he looked to the pavement in denial. “You don’t. In fact, you never did.” He let out a small chuckle, making Si Cheng feel even more lost.

“Yes, I do.” Si Cheng argued. Yuta stepped only a few centimeters closer to Si Cheng as if he were all of a sudden afraid to get too close.

“I’ve seen you at practice. You know the dances.” Yuta looked at Si Cheng as if he were trying to solve whatever he had been keeping from him. “Why did you ask for my help, really?”

He thought about how he could possibly answer his question without revealing his true motive altogether. He didn’t want to admit it was because he wanted to spend more time with Yuta, or that he had an indescribable feeling overcome him whenever Yuta stood too close too him.

“I can’t just ask because I want to spend extra time dancing?” Si Cheng asked the other boy sharply, not sure if it was even a proper question to begin with. “I just want to learn from the way you dance.” Yuta stared at him as though he needed to hear Si Cheng repeat himself.

“That can’t be it. I just know it isn’t.” Yuta told him in a tone that made it seem he wanted to be reassured that Si Cheng wasn’t just with him to dance. That there was something else that was masked by the dancing. Yuta continued to shuffle towards where Si Cheng stood, and he could feel his skin heating.

“What do you want me to say Yuta? That it’s because of you?” Si Cheng let himself speak before he thought of what he’d said, his expression turning cold. Yuta opened his mouth partially, showcasing the shock he felt. He did the only thing he could think of by grabbing Si Cheng’s hand that had been firmly placed at his side. He held the boy’s cold hand in his own and Si Cheng loosened his clenched fist.

“Is it?”

Si Cheng had a million thoughts racing through his mind per second. How would he be able to answer the question in a way that wouldn’t scare Yuta away completely? How did normal people handle situations like these? Si Cheng faced Yuta and stared into his eyes, which almost seemed to be the color of the sunset. He was so close to him now that he was sure Yuta could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He decided to take the initiative to inch closer to him only hoping that the other boy would do the same. Si Cheng closed his eyes and leaned in only to have his lips meet with Yuta’s. His hands shifted to Yuta’s neck as Yuta placed his hands on his hips. It was everything he had imagined, but better. He could never dream of it because his dreams could never compare to the feeling it gave him. Si Cheng found that the reality was better and he didn’t want it to ever end. He wished he could stay that way and never have to talk about whatever _this_ was, because if he was honest he had no idea himself. The sweet dream that had come true ended just as quickly when Yuta pulled away from him. Si Cheng looked at Yuta, breathless as his eyes were reflecting the dim moonlight. Yuta shook his head and the warmth Si Cheng felt transformed and left him chilled.

“I can’t.” Yuta murmured, looking choked up, gasping for air. “I can’t do this.” Si Cheng wasn’t sure what Yuta meant by this. He wondered if he had crossed the line; if he had done something he should’ve had second thoughts about.

“I’m sorry.” Si Cheng apologized, believing that he was at fault for misjudging how Yuta was feeling. Yuta simply shook his head even more and looked at Si Cheng with his eyes glossy.

“No. I can’t,” Yuta paused to gesture his finger to himself and Si Cheng back and forth. “I can’t do this.” Si Cheng could feel his heart cracking.

“What do you mean?” Yuta had kissed him back just as he had kissed him. Si Cheng was sure that it signified Yuta had mutual feelings, so what was the problem?

“You don’t understand,” Yuta told him, his words sharp like knives. “I think it’s better if we don’t... meet like this anymore.”

Si Cheng could feel his eyes burning from the tears that had begun to form in them.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Si Cheng asked raising his voice. He didn’t understand it, Yuta was right about that. He had no idea what _it_ exactly was.

“I can’t Si Cheng.” Yuta’s eyes were puddles, his mouth quivering with every breath. Si Cheng pushed him away and turned to storm away from him completely. Yuta didn’t try to stop him either. Tears made their way down Si Cheng’s cheeks as he continued to walk away from the only person that he’d felt truly connected to.

***

Si Cheng’s friends had immediately figured out something had happened between him and Yuta. Yuta wasn’t sitting with them at lunch anymore, and Si Cheng didn’t make any remark about it either.

Si Cheng was heartbroken, as cliched as it sounded in his head. He never thought he’d be flat out rejected by Yuta. He even believed Yuta possibly felt the same about him too. Soulmates were officially fake in every sense of the word and Si Cheng had proof. He was angry at himself for believing even in the slightest that such a fantasy-like belief had the possibility of coming true.

“What’s up with you lately?” Kun interrogated Si Cheng, Taeil of course by him for support. “Did something happen between you and Yuta? Is that why he’s been avoiding us like we have the plague?” Si Cheng ignored Kun, afraid that he might snap if he did. He didn’t want to admit that he was hurt. The last thing he wanted was for his friends to worry over him.

“Talk to us about it. You know we just want to help.” Taeil trying to persuade him with a genuine look of concern. Si Cheng pushed himself from his chair and stood up. He quickly picked up his tray and turned his back on his friends.

“I’ll talk to you later.” Si Cheng told them, turning to make his way to the exit.

Kun and Taeil starred as he shuffled out of the cafeteria, and then looked at each other.

“I think we should talk to Yuta.” Taeil suggested. Kun nodded his head repeatedly in agreement.

***

The plan was simple: Taeil after Physics would ask Yuta to walk with him to a different class to get something he’d ‘forgotten’ the period before. Kun would then meet them halfway and they’d be able to question Yuta about what had exactly happened between him and Si Cheng. Yuta had been avoiding Taeil because he knew that he was a close friend of Si Cheng’s. If he knew Si Cheng was upset, then he’d also most likely know the cause of it.

Yuta reluctantly agreed to walk with Taeil to his class, immediately full of regret once he’d realized it would be an intervention. Taeil brought him into a classroom he knew would be empty during that period, and he was greeted by Kun who had already been waiting for him. Kun motioned for Yuta to come sit down next to him at the table he’d fixed with three chairs. The silence was unbearable, and nothing but shallow breathing could be heard within the room.

“What is this?” Yuta pretended to be oblivious to what he was there for. Kun leaned in closer and began to speak in almost a whisper.

“We want to know what you did to upset Si Cheng.” Kun explained, folding his hands together. “He’s our close friend and we want to know what you said to him.”

Yuta took in the words as though they were toxic. He swallowed and looked to Kun and Taeil. Then he sat up straight and took a deep breath.

“I… I just talked to him about our practicing together.” Yuta told them, which was not fully the truth, but wasn’t a pure lie either.

Kun leaned closer to Yuta as if it were a thorough investigation. He stared at Yuta closely, looking for any sign of weakness from him.

“What really happened.” Kun pushed him for the truth. Yuta put his hands on his forehead and shook his head slowly.

“I did something I should not have done okay?” Yuta quickly admitted. “I feel something for Si Cheng that I’ve never felt before for _**anyone**_. But I don’t want to become closer to him… because if I do I’m afraid I won’t be able to let go. Don’t you see?”

Taeil squinted at Yuta from across the arrangement of desks.

“You like him?” Taeil questioned him. There was a slight pause, then Yuta nodded slowly. “That’s great then! So what’s the problem with that?”

Kun could see right through the situation. He had a thought in the back of his mind, and although he wanted to keep in there he knew deep down that he would have to ask Yuta about it.

“You’re leaving aren’t you? You’re going back to Japan?” Kun began rapidly throwing questions at Yuta, startling him. “Have you told him yet?”

“Christ Kun, let the guy think.” Taeil scolded his friend.

“I am. Which is partially why I felt that I had to disconnect myself from Si Cheng. Because if I stay around him any longer…”

“You’d never want to go back. And you certainly don’t want to break his heart either.” Kun figures out as he began tapping his fingers on the wooden desk. Yuta turned to face Kun and gave him an inquisitive look.

“He has to know.” Taeil decided.

“He can’t.” Yuta told him as he folded his hands together. "I can't face him again after what I did to him."

“You don’t understand how much he cares about you.” Taeil tried to talk sense into Yuta to make him see what he was potentially going to do to Si Cheng. Although he had no intention of hurting him, Yuta was bound to do so by detaching himself completely from him. “This will break him. He needs to know you’re leaving, and I hate to break it to you but you have no choice… If you really care about him, you have to tell him.”


	4. falling action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back with another crummy chapter. Uni has been killing me already and I haven't been motivated enough to continue, but it's not over yet! there's still a bit more to come that i will hopefully be uploading soon :)))

Si Cheng hadn’t talked to Yuta in days, and he was avoiding Yuta as much as Yuta was avoiding him. He never wanted to talk to him again, but deep down truly felt that he couldn’t face him after what had happened. It wasn’t fair anyways; Yuta didn’t give a good explanation for why he was cutting Si Cheng off. Maybe he’d found someone else. Maybe the whispers about Taeyong and Yuta being together were true. He just couldn’t think of Yuta being with anyone else. The thought of it made him sick to his stomach and even more enraged at Yuta for not giving him a straightforward answer. If Yuta had grown tired of Si Cheng why didn’t he just give him the news then and there?

 

Si Cheng was going to drop dance group and the showcase altogether, but it was apparent that Yuta had already beat him to it. He hadn’t been showing up to practice and people were growing concerned as to what happened to make him practically quit when the show was only a few weeks away. Si Cheng was the only person who knew the truth. 

 

He was the reason.

 

The night Yuta told him he couldn’t be around Si Cheng anymore, he went straight home and didn’t even say anything to his family about it. They didn’t even know Yuta to begin with, and if Si Cheng were to tell them the truth about his feelings he wasn’t sure how they would react. They knew Si Cheng had made a new friend, that his name was Yuta, that he was a Japanese exchange student, and that he was in Si Cheng’s dance group, but apart from that they didn’t know that he was more than a friend to Si Cheng. He was a part of his life that Si Cheng had never known he could have. Yuta was different than everyone else in that he wasn’t Si Cheng’s friend, yet he was still unimaginably close to him. 

 

He didn’t cry because he didn’t want to give in. Everytime he would feel tears building he would remember something his grandfather had told him when he was little. When Si Cheng would cry he would tell him that crying was like letting go a part of yourself, and like a leaky faucet if it wasn’t maintained there would be a flood. Allowing the flood would allow people to see into another side of a person, a more vulnerable side, and if those who see it were unkind they would look to do harm because they would sense weakness. 

 

Ever since his grandfather has uttered those words Si Cheng had subconsciously made a vow to never cry in front of anyone. Because crying meant letting someone in, and Si Cheng did not want to let someone into his life if he knew they would end up hurting him in the end. 

 

Yuta had made him cry. He was the only boy to ever make him cry. 

 

He was the only person he’d loved who’d ever made him cry.

 

***

  
  


Si Cheng’s legs felt like putty after dance rehearsal for the showcase. It felt like it was never going to end until the routines were completely drilled into all of the dancers’ minds. He simply wanted to go home and take a nap, which he’d never use to do. However after the stress and weight put on the group after Yuta left he’d become surprisingly lethargic. Si Cheng picked up his backpack from the corner of the room and walked out of the dance room, pushing the old fashioned metal door out into the real world. It was a cool night, and Si Cheng regret that he hadn’t brought a sweater to keep from freezing from the chilled winds. He blamed the weather channel for his poor choices; he felt they never did get the weather right anyways.

 

As he stepped on the cracked parking lot pavement that led to the sidewalk, he could see at the corner of his eye someone leaning against a lampost that had been placed in the corner of the lot. Si Cheng realized most people were preoccupied as they were exiting the building to notice the figure standing in their own shadows, and he cursed at himself under his breath for always being the one to end up in these types of situations. 

 

He decided his best bet was to just keep walking, but as he continued to do so he could see the figure move to follow him. Si Cheng stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath, but the figure continued to move closer. He knew deep down that this wasn’t random the second he saw someone standing idly by. As hard as he tried he wanted to believe that it wasn’t truly him, and that what he was seeing was a figment of his imagination, he couldn’t escape his own thoughts. His mind was a prison and his thoughts could never leave him; not permanently. 

 

Si Cheng turned to come face to face with the one person he’d been avoiding. The humming of the lampposts was the only noise that could be heard. Yuta stared at him as though he was a stranger, and it scared Si Cheng to think that all they had could be easily forgotten for him.

 

“Si Cheng…” Yuta muttered his name under his breath, his voice cold and unattached. 

 

“Why are you here? Haven’t you done enough, Yuta?” Si Cheng snapped at him, clearly upset by the situation that had appeared before him. 

 

“I had to talk to you.” Yuta told him as he looked down at the pavement where he had been kicking imaginary pebbles to avoid the confrontation that was going on.

 

“It’s a little late for talking.” Si Cheng argued, glaring at Yuta. “You’ve been avoiding it for days, and now you decide you want to come to me and chat?” Yuta picked up his head to meet him face to face. 

 

“You’ve been avoiding me too.” Yuta rebutted, which was true even if it was only because of what he had started.

 

“I wasn’t the one who totally left me in the dark and didn’t tell me anything about what I could’ve done for you to be finished with me.” Si Cheng reminded Yuta of the night he was rejected, a memory that stung him like salt in an open wound.

 

“You're right. What I did was terrible and I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for what I did. I didn’t want to hurt you, that’s the reason I did what I did in the first place.” Yuta tried to reason with Si Cheng yet he had absolutely no idea what he could be getting at. It wasn’t as though he could read minds and Yuta hadn’t exactly been so open as to what the whole situation was about. 

 

“Well I’m done with it all, Yuta.” Si Cheng abruptly ended their conversation turning himself away. 

 

“I’m leaving Si Cheng.” Yuta blurted out as Si Cheng’s back faced him. Yuta tried to reach out but he decided against doing so halfway through. 

 

“Leaving?” Si Cheng questioned, still keeping his back towards Yuta. Yuta exhaled deeply and then continued to give an explanation that had been long deserved. 

 

“I’m going back to Japan by the end of this month. I didn’t know how to tell you, because the truth is I feel something when I’m with you that I’ve never felt with anyone else. I don’t know how to describe it, but when you were upset at me I could feel it and it hurt me.” Yuta told Si Cheng in a slow and soft voice. “I didn’t want to hurt you and I ended up doing the one thing I was trying so hard to avoid. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, but I wanted you to know.”

 

Si Cheng turned to Yuta to show his angered expression with his eyebrows cross and his forehead wrinkled. 

 

“You’re an idiot.” Si Cheng told him, to which he gave a small nod. “But I still forgive you, Yuta.”  

 

Si Cheng’s features softened as Yuta’s expression became more relaxed.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why? Because I believed in a stupid idea that I could have a soulmate and look at where it got me. A Japanese boyfriend that’s now leaving me in less than a month.” Yuta’s eyes widened and his cheeks began to glow pink at Si Cheng’s remark.

 

“Boyfriend?” Yuta questioned, almost wanting Si Cheng to always say yes.

 

“Well… I however do believe in fate, Nakamoto Yuta. And I also believe it’s brought me to you. I guess what I’m saying is…” Si Cheng paused as if he had second thoughts about all of it. He knew that this relationship was something truly special, but he didn’t know if he was ready to give everything away.

 

“I love you.” Yuta whispered and answered all of Si Cheng’s questions for him. He couldn’t help but smile widely at him, to come even closer to him and hold him like he would never get to again. When he kissed him it felt just as perfect as the first time, and Si Cheng knew that this was what it felt like to truly be in love with someone.

 

What it was like to be in love with Yuta.

 


End file.
